Glenn Beck's "The Overton Window"

(When I first planned a review for The Overton Window, I thought of composing a wacky send-up of its prose. But that idea was over twenty chapters ago, and now that I'm finished, nothing sounds worse than attempting this. So, just enjoy some good old-fashioned vitriol instead!)

Let me be clear, I know this review is all very outside looking in. Glenn Beck could have written "Back Jauer in Titland" and gotten the very same reaction (hell, probably a better one from me) from every person in the world. Glenn Beck is a totem that needs no introduction, one so strong that whatever he attaches himself to will be loved or hated regardless of content. Looking at positive reviews of the book, people actually seemed to enjoy the fact that characters will randomly go into talk-radio arias for ten minutes straight. And while I guess they have a right to do that, what bothers me about the book is what bothers me about Tea Party people in general: aside from a vague hatred of government, there's not much there. Oh yeah and also that it is a terrible fucking book.

It's hard to tell how much of the writing is from Beck and how much it is from his three ghostwriters (considering the oft-reported news that one of the ghostwriters wrote a book fairly similar to Beck's, it's likely more the latter party), but who cares, shit sucks. There are pieces of fanfiction on Freep where the obvious author self-insertion finally blows the lid on President NOBAMA and beats up the New York Times editor board and finally makes out with his step daughter WAIT DELETE DELETE that have more literary worth than The Overton Window.

One nice thing about reviewing The Overton Window is that while listening to it, I could basically zone out half the time, since Beck basically repeats what has happened so far in the plot about once every ten minutes. Saying that Beck looks down at his readers is like saying that characters in The Overton Window are a little chatty. Beck's clear lack of respect for his audience is probably the most central theme in the book. While it's true that subtext isn't abundant in thrillers, there is no such thing as "overstated" in the Glennverse. Absolutely nothing is suggested. When describing the living quarters of the protagonist's father, the narrator talks about the clean, sparse nature of it, then immediately follows with a "this meant he didn't like people very much." Glenn Beck doesn't trust his readers to connect any dots, but sit in thrall as he conducts a ten-hour long Christian puppet show.

The main character is Noah, who is a hotshot advertizing executive who doesn't really care about American politics, but wants to bang Molly, who is a operative in the "Founder's Keepers," the novel's Tea Party substitute. Glenn Beck helpfully explains that the Founder's Keepers are just patriots that really love America, and task their members with remembering lines from Thomas Paine and John Adams, because Glenn Beck apparently really liked that part from Fahrenheit 451. The only other named Trapper Keeper we meet is Hollis, who is from Appalachia, forges his own bullet casings, and in the most sexually charged moment in the book, gives Noah a "man hug." Also, all those racists and kooks in the group are actually government plants designed to make the group look bad. Representing the opposing faction is Noah's father, who heads the above advertising agency and is planning Something Bad so the government can take control of everything and remove Freedoms.

There's also a B-plot involving some conservative youtube superstar (who has just enough self-loathing to make it the obvious Glenn Beck self-insert) and a FBI agent trying to bust a cell of domestic terrorists planning an attack on Las Vegas. Every review I've read basically ignores this part of the story (as every reviewer clearly either didn't actually suffer through the book, or assigned some luckless intern the duty to highlight the funny parts), and let me be kind here: the B-plot isn't good, but a part of me actually tolerated those sections as at least something actually happens with those two.

Here's the thing: Nothing actually happens in Noah and Molly's section. I'm not exaggerating, here's the entirety of the entire plotline on their end: Noah goes to Tea Party conference, ineffectively attacks police officer while drunk, goes to and out of prison, sleeps, wakes up and hangs with Tea Party, gets spiked sweet tea, wakes up, goes after Molly, reaches Nevada with Molly, gets out of car to be arrested by cops to save Molly, is tortured, saved by his dad, and joins dad's evil company as a man on the inside.

Maybe The Overton Window is a secret Kafka-esque indictment of modern life, but I'm guessing Beck just doesn't understand that generally protagonists in thrillers aren't incredibly passive schmucks. They have literally no effect on the nuclear bomb subplot. Noah just sits around being lectured either by his evil dad (who doesn't like people, as explained about six dozen times) or Molly (who fucking loves freedom), or passively using his connections to smooth out plot problems.

I'm not saying that Noah needed to go out and roundhouse kick some terrorists to be a viable thriller hero. I love John le Carre, and it's not like George Smiley is a rough-edged action hero. However, it's not like Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy was about Smiley sitting at his desk reading operations reports from other people while leering at women. Noah can't even figure out what's happening even after his father basically explains the entire plot. Is this really the person we're supposed to relate to?

Again, I guess it doesn't matter, just like this book. I'm honestly sick of this review, so I'm going to go play Dragon Quest IX, look forward to watching (and reviewing) Piranha 3D, and let you listen to Frank Turner's "Sons of Liberty," which in less than four minutes contains more entertaining and stirring anti-government sentiment than The Overton Window could muster in eight hours.



PUNCH BECK FACES