Saturday, December 11, 2010

Tales From the Hood (1995)

s Why are black-centric horror films generally pretty awful?  By black-centric, I mean the modern trend of hollywood equating movies with a black cast to have some sort of an "urban" bent.  Generally, this sorts of films are the most generic possible plots with the addition of some terrible THUG LIFE aspect.  I rarely see them in video stores, but apparently there's some dark and sinister subsection of BET that's producing them, since they seem to premiere a new take on "VAMPIRE GANGSTER HEIST INSERT WEED JOKE HERE" every month or so.

There are exceptions, of course.  Most would probably point to The People Under the Stairs and Candyman, films that used the whole notion of black people being the underclass to more affluent white people and added a horror bent to that.  However, I'd also argue that Tales From the Hood should also be considered a classic in this category.  If the title doesn't make it obvious, Tales From the Hood is a horror anthology, divided into four stories with an extra "framing story."  The latter involves three INNER CITY youths planning a drug deal at a funeral home maintained by a mortician whose face pretty well determines how things are going to end up here:

 oh hai guys clarance williams iii here

The mortician, being the one with the drugs, is able to leverage his way to telling the four main stories.

Three of the four stories are pretty generic (though not really bad) social commentaries with a horror twist.  The first involves a former black cop who quit the force after seeing his corrupt cop partners beat and murder a black activist.  One year later, he lures the cops to the gravesite of the activist for revenge purposes.  It's basically the Thin Blue Line version of Creepshow's "Father's Day," even to the point of the zombie activist (whoops spoilers I guess) having telekinetic powers.  Still, it gets to the point quickly enough, and there's nothing technically wrong with this story (nor really any of the other stories).

The second story is all about domestic violence, with a kid telling his COOL AND HIP BLACK TEACHER that he's all bruised up because there's a monster beating him up.  The monster, of course, is his stepfather who has a tattoo of MONSTER on his arm.  Monster, monster, monster.  Happy ending due to child apparently having power to kill people by ripping up his drawings of them.

The final story involves a evil gangster who is arrested for his crimes, but takes an offer of freedom by participating in a "rehabilitation program" that is basically the Ludovico Treatment, but with more spinning chairs and nurses in weird latex fetish uniforms.  I'm not sure whether it or the Monster story is the worst one of the bunch, as while the final story features some shocking and provoking actual photographs of violence against blacks, the impact is diluted both by the pictures being intercut of footage of guys in bandannas jumping around firing guns, and the program director (who is basically a solemn Whoopi Goldberg) telling the gangster, "Cain was the first murderer, Crazy K.  He killed his brother HOW MANY BROTHERS HAVE YOU SLAIN?!?!?!"  I understand the message is that black-on-black violence is just furthering the cause of racists, but there has to have been a better way to express it.  Eventually, the gangster fails the treatment, and is sent back to the moment he was arrested, except now instead of being arrested, he's killed by the three gangster in the framing story.

Oh yeah, and then when the gangsters are finally revealed the coffins where the drugs are purportedly kept, they instead find their corpses and oh wait the mortician is actually satan.   

Ultimately, I just wanted to use this review to talk about the third story, which is easily one of my favorite short horror tales, KKK Comeuppance."  When you open with a political ad stating: "You can give it any name you want.  The fact is, affirmative action, quotas, reparations, all mean one thing: Another qualified individual won't get a job or an education simply because he's not the right color.  I thought that's what we were trying to get away from," dissolving to the picture of the whitest person imaginable, you know whoever wrote this had some fun.  The whitest man alive is running for senate, was a former Klansman, and every thing he says is basically what I unironically heard while living in Arkansas.  He's also living in a house that was the site of a former slave massacre which resulted in alot of displaced souls until a later owner transferred all of the souls into dolls.  There's even a picture hey why is one of the dolls whited out???

this was basically what reading highlights as a kid was like

Like all killer doll stories, we get scenes of the doll inanimate (though still able to trip an Uncle Tom image consultant down the stairs), randomly appearing in spooooooky places.  Eventually it reappears on the staircase, prompting KKK Guy to declare that "THERE WILL BE NO REPARATIONS" while throwing a bowl at the doll, and declaring war on a "VOODOO BITCH" while impaling a painting of her with her dolls with an American Flag.  Eventually the doll attacks directly, but is quickly subdued, and tied to a dartboard, though KKK guys uses a shotgun in lieu of darts.  All looks well as "NOT EVEN SOME VOODOO NEGRESS BITCH SPELL CAN OVERCOME THE POWER OF A DOUBLE BARRELLED SHOTGUN," but the painting now suddenly has roughly six dolls whited out.  White supremacy oopsie, as now he's dealing with a whole bunch of "YOU LITTLE...NIGGLINS."    Also, the original doll returns, and the double barrelled shotgun isn't so helpful now, so he retreats to the previous room only to well



 (seeing this as a 10-year-old really had a profound effect of my attitude towards other races)

In perhaps the most subtle bit of writing ever, KKK Man covers himself with the American flag as the dolls approach and you get the rest.  Again, easily the best story of the bunch, in acting, writing, and general horror movie vibe, like a top-tier Tales from the Crypt episode.  That's the complement, by the way.

Again, it's not really a must-see horror film, and one could even call it a series of spooky morality tales with the exception of KKK Comeuppance, but it's still probably the most socially challenging horror film about black people (and really in general, unless you count silly WHITE PEOPLE PROBLEMS), which is fairly depressing when you think about it.

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